Let’s face it; communication is a hard thing to do sometimes, especially if things are uncomfortable in any way. In addition, if you have a teenager, there are bound to be things that are uncomfortable between you, just based on the sheer fact that they are teens. However, if you want to keep a good relationship with your teen, then keeping the lines of communication open is a good first step.
Your goal in communicating with your teenager is to be heard. If they feel angry or defensive, they will not be able to hear you. It is at that point that all ability for sharing and relating is gone. Therefore, it is imperative to have a plan or a set of guidelines if you will, before you try to talk with your teen.
Let me share 6 good things you should keep in mind before talking with your teen.
1. Use words they understand. Speak at their level. They don’t want to feel stupid for not quite understanding what you are saying.
2. Talk to them as if they are adults, rather than children. If you do this, you will be communicating on common ground and they will respond to that.
3. Offer advice rather than telling them what to do. Teenagers need the balance of knowing you care, but also that you understand their need to make decisions for themselves at times. Keep in mind too, that even if they don’t take your advice initially, it does not mean they will not later. If you communicate positively with them, your words will have an impact for a long time to come.
4. Offer positive feedback. It’s so easy to see and point out the negative things, but it takes a skilled and self-controlled person to look for the positive and point that out instead. Genuine praise will go a long way with anyone, and especially your child.
5. Ask them questions that reflect an interest in their world. Show them you truly want to know more about what they care about, are interested in and like doing. This will then open the door for future conversations.
6. Always approach your teenager from a position of trust when bringing up sensitive topics. If they don’t feel that you trust and believe them, they are going to be less likely to open up and be honest with you. This can be really hard to do, so before approaching a hot topic with your teen, take time to mentally prepare yourself to handle things calmly, and peacefully, without causing them to get defensive.
These are simply 6 guidelines you can use when talking with your son or daughter. However, some children may be a bit more out of control, and leave you feeling lost. If that is the case, do not give up. Continue seeking guidance to learn more ways you can positively affect your relationship with your son or daughter.
Your goal in communicating with your teenager is to be heard. If they feel angry or defensive, they will not be able to hear you. It is at that point that all ability for sharing and relating is gone. Therefore, it is imperative to have a plan or a set of guidelines if you will, before you try to talk with your teen.
Let me share 6 good things you should keep in mind before talking with your teen.
1. Use words they understand. Speak at their level. They don’t want to feel stupid for not quite understanding what you are saying.
2. Talk to them as if they are adults, rather than children. If you do this, you will be communicating on common ground and they will respond to that.
3. Offer advice rather than telling them what to do. Teenagers need the balance of knowing you care, but also that you understand their need to make decisions for themselves at times. Keep in mind too, that even if they don’t take your advice initially, it does not mean they will not later. If you communicate positively with them, your words will have an impact for a long time to come.
4. Offer positive feedback. It’s so easy to see and point out the negative things, but it takes a skilled and self-controlled person to look for the positive and point that out instead. Genuine praise will go a long way with anyone, and especially your child.
5. Ask them questions that reflect an interest in their world. Show them you truly want to know more about what they care about, are interested in and like doing. This will then open the door for future conversations.
6. Always approach your teenager from a position of trust when bringing up sensitive topics. If they don’t feel that you trust and believe them, they are going to be less likely to open up and be honest with you. This can be really hard to do, so before approaching a hot topic with your teen, take time to mentally prepare yourself to handle things calmly, and peacefully, without causing them to get defensive.
These are simply 6 guidelines you can use when talking with your son or daughter. However, some children may be a bit more out of control, and leave you feeling lost. If that is the case, do not give up. Continue seeking guidance to learn more ways you can positively affect your relationship with your son or daughter.
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