An important part of parenting a teenager is keeping the lines of communication open. When things get difficult, this is often the first thing that breaks down. In this article, I would like to offer some help to avoid that problem.
If you want to be heard by your teenager, here are 5 communication killers you want to try to avoid if at all possible.
1. Do not yell. This is the number one thing you should avoid at all costs. If you naturally yell, this will be hard, but you must prepare yourself to not do it. As soon as you do, the doors to communication will be slammed shut and it can take a very long time to open them again. A simple, but effective technique is to take at least 3 deep breaths before beginning to speak. This will help you to remain calm.
2. Do not assume the worst about a situation and then go in to talk with them about it. Your body language and tone of voice will shut down communication before you even get started. Instead, choose to not jump to any conclusions, to give them the benefit of the doubt, and to hear them out completely. You must go in with an open mind and be willing to hear what they have to say. The two keys here are “open mind” and “be willing to hear.”
3. Don’t talk over their head, but don’t try and talk to them as if you are a teenager as well. Teens need their own “thing” so if you try to emulate them or their words, they will pull away. Just talk to them at their level, in your own words.
4. If your teenager repeatedly fails to do a task you have asked, do not nag them about. Teenager’s ears close up when nagging starts. Instead, calmly enforce a consequence for not doing what you ask. Nagging them over and over about it only upsets you and them.
5. When trying to casually chat about their day, don’t use the same questions over and over. For example, instead of saying, “How was your day?” you could instead ask, “Did anything fun or unusual happen at school today?”
If you want to be heard by your teenager, here are 5 communication killers you want to try to avoid if at all possible.
1. Do not yell. This is the number one thing you should avoid at all costs. If you naturally yell, this will be hard, but you must prepare yourself to not do it. As soon as you do, the doors to communication will be slammed shut and it can take a very long time to open them again. A simple, but effective technique is to take at least 3 deep breaths before beginning to speak. This will help you to remain calm.
2. Do not assume the worst about a situation and then go in to talk with them about it. Your body language and tone of voice will shut down communication before you even get started. Instead, choose to not jump to any conclusions, to give them the benefit of the doubt, and to hear them out completely. You must go in with an open mind and be willing to hear what they have to say. The two keys here are “open mind” and “be willing to hear.”
3. Don’t talk over their head, but don’t try and talk to them as if you are a teenager as well. Teens need their own “thing” so if you try to emulate them or their words, they will pull away. Just talk to them at their level, in your own words.
4. If your teenager repeatedly fails to do a task you have asked, do not nag them about. Teenager’s ears close up when nagging starts. Instead, calmly enforce a consequence for not doing what you ask. Nagging them over and over about it only upsets you and them.
5. When trying to casually chat about their day, don’t use the same questions over and over. For example, instead of saying, “How was your day?” you could instead ask, “Did anything fun or unusual happen at school today?”
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